You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
