Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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