he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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