Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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