she was so not down for the gang bang
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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