Porn is love you can see.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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