So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
