Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
