need another drink. this is the easiest way
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
