she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
