The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize
