I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
