Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
