90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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