dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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