I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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