The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
