sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
