i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
