i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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