her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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