So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
