Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
