You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
