I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
