Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
