Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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