Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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