Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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