So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
