I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
