You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
