Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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