I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
