I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
