Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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