i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
