I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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