THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
