Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
MIDGETS
????
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
