the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
