Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
a search helicopter?!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
