I CAN MOONWALK!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
