There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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