meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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