I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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