I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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