Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's blow job season.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
