The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
