OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
