I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
