we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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