I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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