No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
